June 11, 2018

a love draft


pernah ga terlintas di pikiran kamu, aduhhh sedikit lagi, sedikit lagi sampai, sedikit lagi selesai, sedikit lagiiii dapet nih, sedikitttt lagii


pernah ga kamu diapit pilihan, duh gw harus ke mana yaa? kanan kiri? diiringi sama klakson mobil belakang yang nyebelin? maju mundur? nyerah sekarang atau maju terus yaa? udah sampai sinii, diklakson mobil belakang terus, tapi kok kaya udah mau sampai yaa? gimana yaa


pernah ga kamu marah setelah tau kalau yang kamu perjuangkan selama ini sudah benar adanya, ok lah, mungkin benar salah semua masih terlalu absurd untuk dipilah, but at least you already feel that you’re on the right track.
tapi entah karena keadaan atau bisikan sekitar, iman kamu jadi goyah, dan kamu pilih berlalu? padahal ternyata sedikiiiiiiit lagi, kalau saja kamu engga berlalu atau menepi, kalau ternyata tanpa kamu sadari, kamu sudah hampir sampai di tujuan kamu?
but you see, the sad truth is, almost is never enough, and will never be enough___
kali ini kisah yang aku ceritakan bukan tentang cinta pada akhirnya, karena memang tidak berujung dan tidak ada akhirnya
memang tidak semanis kisah cinta lainnya, hanya lebih jujur dibanding semua rasa yang pernah diecap,

a bittersweet love story


Is someone in the crowd the only thing you really see?
Watching while the world keeps
spinning ‘round?
Somewhere there’s a place where I find who I’m gonna be
A somewhere that’s just waiting to 
be found
Someone in the crowd could be the one you need to know
The someone who could lift you off the ground
Someone in the crowd could take you where you wanna go
Someone in the crowd could make you
Someone in the crowd could take you
Flying off the ground
If you
’re the someone ready to be found

someone in the crowd


hujan badai, mall puri indah, after meeting

> hi :)
just like how any other conversation start,

> heii haloo
just like how anyone will reply the hi thing (or is it just me?) oh shoot, forgot to put the smiley thing
> :)
there there,

> so how are you? and how’s the long long weekend?

my long weekend huh?
> just ate a big bowl of banana oatmeal and i feel great. haaha
> you?

and yes because im such a detail and actually you know, talkative chitty
chatty smol creature, i’ll add anotherdetail information> long weekend’s been good.catching up with close friend, met the new one, no traffic jam, anddd noooo meeting

••• omg 2 min gone and you havent replied me yet! but my uber car has arrived, i got wet all over my skirt, the cute black skirt, my shoes, oh there’s no need to tell you more, but maybe, maybe actually it’s just because of the heavy rain, that’s all..
> btw got to go. im goin to drop my line id just in case you want to have a chat or two? cos i dont always online here
> soooooooooo my line id is xxx and see you around then :)
andddd finally after an hour of long drive under the heavy rain,

> yup, definitely :) i would love to chat you soon

there there, you know you really just thiiiiiissss close to be forgotten, due to the heavy rain and the breezy wind

> gw baru balik dari traveling sama temen2 gw

> ohh? abis jalan jalan dari manaa? seru? cerita banyakann dongg

you think this was how the story started? after all those standard meh conversation?
sometimes life is very funny tho, it likes to 
开玩笑 with you so much until you left with no choice to just go along with its dry joke,
and consider you
re a one lucky piece of pineapple pie if you never ever have to dealt with fate, because you see, fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters, who bring you things you never asked for, and worst, dont always like (snicket)


11 months later

do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?

some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences
allen, emery
close to the midnight, in front of the layout, details, and all the undone thoughts

🎶 A look in somebodys eyes To light up the skies
To open the world and send it reeling

A voice that says, I’ll be here And you’ll be alright
I don’t care if I know
Just where I will go
'Cause all that I need is this crazy feeling
A rat-tat-tat of my heart 

this movie is one of my to be watched list di imdb,
dan denger liriknyaa buat the very first time, feels so surreal, i loff loff 
the lyrics.
that 80’s cheesy vibes, and guess who popped up questioned the song that i just posted on instastory?

it’s you

entered my life with the rat-tat-tat of my heart
and think i want it to stay 🎶

Robin said it best: “If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.”
Even if you find your perfect mate, the timing might be off. You both need to be single, and in the same mindset at the same time.
Barney and Robin had poor timing for a few seasons, but they eventually ended up together. Their chemistry made it impossible for them to stay apart,

should i meet you in person? or should i not?

a shy shy cat rain, di warteg, bareng komik hai miiko nomer 20 something to 25, i think
umumnya orang orang suka banget sama yang namanya hujan rintik2. duh, apalagi ditemani sama secangkir susu coklat panas, mau milo mau cocoa yang penting warnanya coklat. bagian yg lagi program gain weight mungkin ditambah semangkok indomi pakai telor kayanya yaa. sooooo romantic unyu2 gemez gomez.
but here i am, di warteg makan porsi ke2, bareng miiko dan tappei yg ribut terus pamer-pameran siapa lebih sayang siapa. and i really dislike a moment like that.
as an enfp myself, ibu warteg udah diajak ngobrol 2 babak, sampai2 pas nambah piring ke2 dikasih gratis bakwan. kasian katanya ga gede2. cucunya ibu warteg juga udah diajak ngobrol. show off kalau udah bisa hitung sampai cepuluh.
ditemenin sama komik miiko, but why ya, i feel like theres this huge jamba hole inside my fat heart?

top 10 things that terrify enfp’s

1 being alone,
by far, the biggest fear among ENFPs was being alone. however,
this doesn’t mean they want to bearound people constantly. the fear had more to do with not having meaningful relationships, dying alone, or feeling disconnected from humanity in some way. having a healthy social group, supportive friends, and meaningful, honest relationships are extremely important to ENFPs

2 meaningless,
ENFPs are strong believers in
serving humanity in some great way in their lifetime. they want every moment to mean something and tohave significance. there’s nearlynothing worse to an ENFP than being faced with meaninglessness orfeeling that their life hasn’t been putto good purpose

3 not meeting potential,
ENFPs are true dreamers, and long to do something significant with their lives. they have no desire to
just “get by” or fit in; they want tomake a difference and an impact in the world. not being able to use their life to its greatest potential is a very real fear to many ENFPs

4 for me personally just go back to number 1, easy peasy

and that’s why, because of this fear i rarely be alone,
but i forgot,
that sometimes, i think being alone makes me lonely,

but turns out being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest and the most miserable thing in the world

and that’s exactly when you entered my life,
when i hit the bottom rock and felt that im the most miserable thing in this whole wide world

gw text ga yah, gw text ga yah,

> hi la
> lagi ngapain?

city of stars
are you shining just for me 

> uii
> lagi makan warteg sambil baca komik hahahaha, lu?

(you, insert that wkwkwkwk annoying baldy emoji)

> komik apa?
> warteg masih ada buka jam segini?

> tadi lagi bawa mobil, habis ke mall beli roti andd
> i just thought, would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?
if you’re not busy

city of stars
s so much that i cant see 🎶

> omggg!!
> thats what i thought this afternoon

> tapi gw pikir aneh ga yah kalo gw ngajak lu jalan,> masihhh :’) warteg langganan gw sampe jam 1

> serius?
> untung gw yang duluan ngajak hahahaa

// drizzle of the shy shy cat rains send butterflies squad to my tummy

> so, what time should i pick you up?

> like right now? hahahaha
> you serious?

> ahahaha! not right now,
> how about tomorrow?
> i’m super serious by the way

> ahahahaha besok gw ga bisa ada kondangan jam 5 gitu,

> kondangan di mana? i dont mind at all pick you up at home
> angke ketapang gitu, ketapang di pusat ya? atau deket sunter? hahaha

> gw bahkan ga tau di mana :’)

> gue tau, daerah jajahan hahaha
> oke siap ditunggu kabarnyaa

who knows
is this the start of something wonderful and new? 🎶
or one more dream that i cannot make true?
and through timeless words in priceless pictures,
we’ll fly like birds not of this earth
and tides they turn and hearts disfigure but that’s no concern
when we’re wounded together
and we tore our dresses and stained our shirt but it’s nice tonight,
oh the wait was so worth it, was it?

harusnya malam ini kondangan
tapi males,
what i hate from nowadays wedding, call me hypocrite call me old fashioned, that what i aim is to see the love vibes, not the fancy chandelier, nor the fancy plastic 
smile, and that’s what i got from most wedding i attended, the world of relationship status update

i want to see the groom’s face when he think,
my god, she’s beautiful,the dont cry dont cry, fvck i’mcrying, oh well maybe i can get it out now before i say my vows
but then he ended up having to stop in the middle of his vows because he couldn’t stop crying and sounded like a muppet
dan join for the wedding dance, laughter, and cheers
where everyone hugs, got tears by the cheesy sweet vows, and whistling to the king and queen kisses

beh, habis berapa nih buat dekor kaya gini?
kok makanannya ga enak yah
lu tau ga sih katanyaa cewenya bla bla bla

cowonya bla bla bla selametinnya ntar aja kali ya ntar makanannya keburu abis,
and on and on and on

> heii will you mind if we postponed the coffee break? you know the daughter sunday kindaduty :’)

> ahahaha no problem at all kok, churcing with mom dad?

> nahh, breakfast, pre lunch, lunch, post lunch, afternoon snack, pre dinner dinner and post dinner with them, the fattening kinda routine,
> real typical chinese indo hahaha

> lol,, perbaikan gizi after a week ofhard working day ya, it’s okay,> jangan lupa kondangan aja

> erm, that one juga ga jadi kayanyaa, papa mama aja kayanyaa, and you? hari ini ngapain aja?

> lah, yang diundang bukan kamu?
> tadi ngumpul bareng keluarga dari pagi main sampai sore. ini baru nyampe apartment

> bukan itu ade temen papa hahahaa tadinya bosen di rumah disuruh ikut cuma kok jadi males yaa
> oh tinggal di apartment?

> iya tinggal di apartment, di sunter icon
> lol cepet yah berubah pikirannya hahahhaa

> you got that right mister, otak gw adaptasinya cepet, flexible gtu hahaa
> sunter icon, tinggal sendiri?
> kayanya pernah denger yah sunter icon,, di mana yaa

> iya tinggal sendiri, nyokap kadang nginep sih, bolak balik lah namanya orang tua kadang pengen kesini kadang pengen kesana hahaha
> lagi lanjut baca komik?

> kayanya dulu pernah kerjain proyek apa gtuu, terus deket sunter icon, let me browse for a min. tapi ieie juga ada ada apartment deket moi situ, kadang gw suka nginep,, mungkin kesaru kali yaa
> nahh.. baru kelar mandi hahaa, ga ngerti juga belakangan gw berasa ngambang ngambang
insert the annoying ghost emoji
> jadi ga terlalu fokus ngapa- ngapainn

> mid life crisis yah?
> atau existencial crisis gtu?

> hmm, bingung juga ya. apa mungkin pengaruh zodiac gw? hahahaha
> ini kayanya semacam cycle sih. kaya every once in a while gw bakal ngerasa kaya gini

> engga ada hubungannya sama zodiac

a deeper conversation is all i want from youi want the words you’re afraid tosay 
the lonely ones you keep hidden in between the folds of your heart

> lu suka ngerasa lonely? katanya loneliness can kill people yah?

> jadi manusia memang kompleks dan rumit
> even sometimes our brain playing tricks with us

> but yeah they say it could kill

> and other thing, i also a bit confused about why people like to mess with other people’s heart, like they make you fall in love although they not really want to be in love with you, got the point?

> i know that feeling, terkadang kita yang terlalu terbawa perasaan sih, tapi kalo kita gak pakai perasaan nanti dicap gak sensitif,
> ada yang tergolong player, dan ada yang bukan player sih. ada yang cuma attention seeker gitu,,
> gue sebagai cowo juga merasa kok, yang paling menarik itu saat pdkt sama cewe, ada sesuatu yang menarik, balas chat bisa instant
> tapi begitu dapat perhatian, bisa tiba-tiba menghilang punya
> hahahaa
> and i used to be that kind of prick

> i like murakami’s writing
> two things we’ll never understand, 
love and life

> me too
> i also like murakami’s writing. although sometimes a bit too surrealistic for me
> you know the guy that i used to like, well up until now actually, he already has a girlfriend. and of course by the time i knew, gue stop seeing him and such, but then a few days later, he pull me again, how ya,
> it’s a bit too hard for me as i fell so hard with this guy tho

> guys are like that, he should make up his mind
> d
on’t be a fool

> :’(
> what do you like about him? you sure you like him that much?

> i guess so?
> i like he’s manly character tho. fierce, not too sensitive, quick at deciding something and likes to lead me

> ahahaha so appealing i might fall for him as well> let’s say he is your type your kryptonite, you sure its love or its just an admiration?
> you must ask yourself first to find out the answer

> loll! no you cannot!
> he has girlfriend and even if he doesn
’t then he’s mine lol> i dont know, i also question myself
> is it love or is it lust?
> whatever it is, it’s sure selfish tho

> and im not sure that the overrated love itself is selfish
> im not sure what is love. i only know based on what people say

> that we all can agree sometimes people are a bit too lebay to describe something as abstract as that

> nah itu dia, saking abstraknya semua orang punya definisi masing- masing
> cinta itu harus berjalan dua arah, mencintai dan dicintai harus seimbang
> hahahhaha udah kaya pakar belom?

> lolll!
> but i agree with you mister!
> buat gw cinta itu harus dua arah, kalau ngga dua arah namanya tepok 
tangan sebelah hahahaha
> tapiiii gw ngga ngerti kenapa kayanya the way we think a bit similar ya
> zodiac lo apa sih?

> oh yaa?
> susah ya nyari yang sama pemikirannya? hahahaha
> gue sagitarius, elu apa?

> pantes! the wanderer lol
> gw pisces,
> yang suka ngambang. but please dont associate it with something gross ya,

> wanderer lagi di lampung kan? hahaha

> wanderer loll,
> ini tugas kerjaan ya,,
> btw sabtu ga kerja kan? sorry i ask dumb question sometimes when i got no topic to talk about

chihiro : but um can’t you even give me a hint? i feel like haku and i met a long time agozeniba : in that case, it’s easy; nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember it

there isn’t any questioning the fact that some people enter your life, at the exact point of need, want or desire 
it’s sometimes a coincidence andmost times fate,
but whatever it is, i am certain you came to make me smile

she’s talking to angels, counting the stars
making a wish on a passing car

she’s dancing with strangers, falling apart
waiting for superman to pick her up, in his arms
she says, yeah he’s still coming, justa little bit late
he got stuck at the five and dime saving the day

she says if life was a movie, 
then it wouldn’t end like this left without a kiss
so she smiles and wait

> heii, lagi sibuk?

> hi! enggak kok, kan lagi jam makan siang
> lu lagi ngapain?

> ahahaha happy lunch!
> btw i was just wondering, would you mind to have a dinner or chat over snack? for the postponed coffee break yesterday?

> i would love to!

> tapi macet ngga yaa
> di mana ya, kalau di pik jauh ga? biar lu ga tralu jauh juga hahaha
> eh tapi besok katanya ada demo ya di jakarta?

> di mana aja boleh
> ngga kok pik masih deket, elu yang kejauhan nantinya
> and nop, ga ada demo, gak boleh ada aksi turun ke jalan so masih kondusif hahaha

> erm, ok mal puri boleh kali ya? soalnya gw lgi mau berangkat meeting juga yang kedua, deal? hahahaha

> deal!

moon river, wider than a milei’m crossing you in style some day
oh dream maker, you heart breaker
wherever you’re going im going your way

> udah otewe yah, lagi di jalan tol
> oya puri mall kan yah? bukan lippo?
> tungguin yah, macet

> loll gapapa, gw kaya ngerjain lu ga sih yah
> maaf ya apa gw ke pik aja?

> no need, tungguin aja, jgn bosen
> hahaha

two drifters off to see the world
there’s such a lot of world to see
we’re after the same rainbow’s end
waiting round the bend my huckleberry friend
moon river and me

> udah sampe
> mau ketemu di mana?
> mau makan apa? pasti lapar kan yahhh

> ya ampun hahaha
> ayo ayo terserah nih mau ketemu di mana?

> ada pancious gak yah di puri?

> pancious?
> ada ide lain?
> sekarang posisi di mana?

> di information center nanya pancious
> gue kesana

> ok! emang lo di mana? lu tau information center di mana?
> gw deket pull and bear

> lantai bawah
> hahaha bener-bener

> heii, gw nyerah cari pull and bear
> 2 kali tanya satpam 2 kali diarahin ke cafe p&b

> ahahahah lo di mana?
> sini sini gw samperin
> tunggu di sana aja pak

> yang lebih gampang charles and keith

> okk di situ yaa
> iyaa
> gw udah di charles and keith loh

> ...

> ...

> kenapa ya? gw lagi muter diliatin mba mba charles and keith loh



> kita salah mall kayanya

> omgg! hahahahahaha

> lo di mana?
> puri mall kan?

> iyaa
> lippo puri mal kan?

> puri indah mal? waittttt

> ahahahahaha omgg, lo mau gw yang ke sana aja gaa?
> hahahaha

> jangan!
> gue yang ke sana aja

> omgg hahahaha ini kocak sih,

> pantesan ga ada pull and bear

> udah sampe? hahahahaa

> mas nya bengong terus bilang p&b?
> gw iyain

> ahahahahaha
> sini sini, udah sampe belom?

> sudah mau sampe

have you ever met a person who atfirst glance you’re not attracted to?but then you talk,
and with every word, every smile, every laugh

they become more beautifuluntil you can’t believe there was a moment you didn’t think they were?

> jadi lu juga kerjain proyek-proyek apartment gitu? design doang or sama built juga?

> dua-duanya dong, tapi kadang ada juga yang desain doangg

> oh. tau gitu dulu apartment gw minta desain sama lo, hahaha
> tapi so far gue suka sih sama desain yang sekarang

> apartment lo di sunter icon ya?
> gw berasa tetep pernah denger sunter icon sih, tapi gw lupa lupa inget
> apartment lo didesain siapa?

> sama temen gue, proyeknya lumayan banyak, lo kenal sandy?

> oh ko sandy? kenaaall, dulu pernah kerja sama sama dia, ...
> jangan-jangan apartment yang gw desain itu apartment lo??

> yang bener?

> iya gw inget deh, sunter icon ya
> lo ada renderan 3dnya?

> ada deh harusnya, bentar-bentar
> inii ..

> LOL!

dunia itu sebesar daun kelor
atau daun pepaya?
atau daun daunan?
yang pasti saat itu, dunia kita hanya sebesar memory data renderan desain apartment kamu

hanya isinya macam-macam, seperti kolak? bukan. seperti sekoteng,
campur-campur, hangat dan manis tapi memang begitu rasanya berbincang-bincang dengan kamu, tidak kurang mungkin lebih
sampai mba-mba donburi pura-pura lap meja sebelah

secara halus minta kita pulang,

i dont understand a God who would let us meet, if there’s no way we could ever be together

> hi udah bangun?
> dari pagi mendung terus neh

> plus hujan gerimis

> hi udah hahaha
> he eh but so nice kan bikin mau ngulet di selimut terus hahaha
> lagi kerja ya?

> iyaa
> nanti jam berapa pergi cari barangnya?

> ahahahah
> sabar yaa, kan cuma setengah hari

> tapi setengah harinya suka bohong ya? hahaha

> udah biasa, actually i enjoy it. hahaha
> kalo ga kerja malah bisa gila
> jadi sekarang lagi malas-malasan di rumah?

> see! you’re starting to become aworkaholic also hahaha
> sekarang sih lagi karaoke whitney houston bentar ya, ngumpulin energi buat nyapu rumah
> kantor lagi sibuk?

> engga juga, sibuknya nanti kalo sudah mau pulang

> ...
> just thinking nanti lu gak ngapa- ngapain kan? mau jalan?
> yang deket-deket aja

> hmm gw pura pura sibuk dulu ngga ya hahaha
> yok

> okay gue beresin kerjaan nanti gue kasih tau jemput jam berapa yah

> hahaha noted sir!

my mother once said to me ;
there are two kinds of men you’ll meet
the first will give you the life you want
and the second will give you the love you desire
if you’re one of the lucky few, you will find both in the one person
but if you ever find yourself having 
to choose between the two,
then always choose love

the phrase “you just know when you know” about meeting a soul mate is often misused
there is a kind of knowing that comes through observation

you can meet someone and know the moment you meet them that there is a spark
you can know right away you want to know them more

but that isn’t the kind of knowing meant for this phrase
this knowing is when you meet a person for the first time and feel as though you somehow recognize each other immediately

it feels like a message that is somehow delivered to you from right within you;
as instinctive as the way your body
tells you that you’re hungry
in an instant, you see and are seen
it is a knowing that feels like a truth it
’s a reflex that could only be triggered by meeting someone in sync with your soul
experiencing this sets the benchmark for the depth of emotional and spiritual connection you can feel with another

> udah sampe mana?

> ...
> gw kayanya sesat salah belok hahaha

> wahahaha
> lu udah di mana?
> ada di buletan yang gede atau ngga?

> sebentar,
> yang ada cafe temen
> literally cafe temen

> ahahaha!
> cafe temen yang mana ya?
> coba lu tanya satpam patokannya

> udah ketemu
> berkat bapak satpam

> ini udah mau sampai

> omgg, lain kali gw yang ke area rumah lu deh
> ga tega loh gw hahahaa

i wanted to say,
i would love to know yourobsessions ...

> oh, lo suka travel yaa? instagram lo semua jalan2 hahaha

> iya, i want to travel the world to see the things ive never seen before
> to meet people i never met before, because life is short and the world is wide
> better to see something once than to hear it thousand times
> cuma aim gue, mau travel around indonesia dulu, baru keluar

> oh waw. singapur gitu juga belom pernah?

> believe it or not belum hahaha

> jadi pernah ke mana aja? indonesia yaa.. gw baru pernah jogja pas sekolah, bogor?
hahahaha oh bali, sama lombok berapa bulan lalu

> lombok? gue kemarin ini juga ke sana, bulan apa?

> around juli deh kalau ga salah, 8 atau 9 juli gitu

> serius? lu di lombok mana? gw juga ke lombok! juli sekitar 10? tapi gue stay di private resort gitu

> ah! kenapa ga bilang2?kenapa ga ketemu dari dulu? kenapa baru sekarang?

> ahahaha. kita kan sempet lost contact kan,, sebenernya kita udah kenal setahun tau

> seriously ,,, 

... is it landed house, gadgets,power, domestic life, succulent plants, achievements, money, work, more likes and followers, health, validation, sex, organic food, pets,
perfect selfies, children, sports, religion, relationship, minimalism, perfection, muscles, urban toys, shoes, traveling, or fame?

> terus cita-cita lu? kerjaan lu udah stable sih yah sekarang?

> dibilang stable ya mungkin udah kerja lama kan ya, tapi gw punya cita-cita bikin cafe,
> gw mau belajar jadi barista, bikin coffee

> ehhh ade gw barista, kenapa mau buat cafe?
> gw kira lo mau travel around the world, cafe kan stay?

> oya? di cafe mana?
> hmmm.. gatau, pengen aja hehe

> i see,
> tapi gw yakin bisa sih kalau memang mau dan niat,

> nah kalo lu? cita-cita lu apa?
> career woman? gue lihat sibuk banget tiap hari hahah

> loll, ngga,
> cita-cita gw simple,
> jadi ibu rumah tangga

... but nobody is prepared for that kind of question on a first date
so i said, heii you look great

> mau pindah?
> boleh,
> tapi di luar ujan
> rintik doang kayanya

.. okk

take my handi’ll teach you to dance i’ll spin you around won’t let you fall down

> gue baru tau di sini pake bulb bulb gitu kalau malem
> so prettyyyyy

> kaya di scenenya lalala land ya?
> yang pas mereka dance together? hahahaa

> iya!!
> so romantic rightt mister hahaha

would you let me lead? you can step on my feet give it a try it’ll be alright

> gw pengen kerja di bali
> enak kali ya
> bebas dari stress, kalau lagi mumet tinggal ke pantai,

> liat sunset? ahaha
> enak juga,
> cuma jauh yah

> iya jauh

the room’s hush hushand now is our moment take in it feel it all
and hold it

eyes on you eyes on mewe’re doin this right

> kenapa ya, gw berasa lo bisa ngerti apa yang lagi gw rasa?

> pardon?

> yang gw ngambang, mental sana sini, tanpa hasil yang berarti

> oh, the identity crisis, karna gue juga ngerasain hal yang lu rasain sekarang,
> tapi beberapa tahun yang lalu

> kalau sekarang sih udah lewat

> hahaha. gitu ya om?
> beberapa dekade lalu pas om masih muda?

> hahahah dasar!
> tapi di situ yang lo harus bisa survive
> memang ga enak, cuma most people memang bakal ngerasain yg namanya identity crisis around 24- 25 sih

> ih! ketauan banget udah umur berapa hahaha
> terus cape pas jalaninnya?
> sepi?

> capeeee, mungkin awal-awal ya
> lonely,
> pasti
> apalagi di saat sebagian besar temen gue udah pada married

> yang dulunya bisa ngumpul bareng sekarang sama istrinya atau keluarganya
> tapi suka ga suka, harus dijalanin juga kan..
> nanti juga kebiasa

> really?

> iya
> tiap manusia harus belajar untuk cope up dengan rasa sepinya kan
> begitu juga sama krisis identitas
> biasa, galau

> terus lu ngapain kalo lagi bosen atau feeling lonely?

> ya baca buku, lari, nonton di rumah atau bioskop
> kalau mau dicari kerjaan mah banyak

> tapi kalau mau dibuat sepi juga bisa
> tergantung dari lo nya
> lo?

> gw, gw suka ngider-ngider or bengong di mobil> ga tau kemana,
> mungkin aneh yah, tapi kadang gw bersyukur ada macet
> hahaha

> ngga aneh ko,
> gw juga suka kaya gitu, ngiter di tol pelabuhan aja
> kan panjang tuh, kalau ngga tol lingkar luar

> kita beda berapa taun sih?

> enam kan?

> lu tau umur gw?
> hahaha

> kan kata orang beda umur tuh ada artinya ya?

> iya kalau yang bagus katanya beda 4
> kalau 6 ga bagus, sering ribut

> kita beneran beda 6 tahun? 5 kalii?

> hahaha 6, udah gue hitung
> tapi itu mah cuma percaya ga percaya lah

> iyalah

i remember all of the things that i thought i wanted to be
so desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe

right before my eyes i saw, my heart it came to lifethis aint easy, it’s not meant to be every story has its scars

> apa sih yang harusnya ada di setiap pasangan?
> gue bingung deh,
> ada yang bilang lebih banyak perbedaan

> ada yang bilang lebih banyak persamaan
> menurut lu?

> hmm... bingung juga ya,,
> menurut lu sendiri?

> itu dia, gue bingung
> lu sendiri pengennya gimana?

> gue yaa,,
> ngga tau yaa
> aside from persamaan dan perbedaan yaa, ada lagi yang namanya gender equality
> buat gw itu yang lebih problem

> maksud lu?

> gw kan perempuan,
> tapi gw ga tralu fine with gender equality,
> walaupun gw juga kerja

> okee?

> maksud gw, sekarang kan banyak cowo maupun cewe yang salah gunain persamaan gender dan lainnya
> and here i am, the old fashion one, yang lebih suka love letter daripada status update, yang lebih suka deep conversation over dinner daripada super fancy dinner di lantai 56

> ohhh hahaha

> ga tau yah, mungkin gw yang terlalu annoying kali ya,
> at least gw bisa afford semua keperluan diri gw dari hasil kerja gw
> gw juga ga tralu rempong, yang harus makan di tempat yang mewah setiap minggu,
> gw juga bukan tipe yang minta dianter jemput setiap hari,
> bukan juga yang looking for the super good looking oppa sarangheyo > asal lu neat, rawat diri sendiri, ga baldy, dan wangiiii, okelah kalau pakai kacamata nilai plus,
> gw cuma minta kalau ngobrol ada bobotnya, can assure me that you love me even before i ask you to, yang mungkin bisa tiba2 pop up di kantor just to hug me, and ya im that cheesy hahaha,

> yang care sama lo

> as simple as that,
> kali ya
> cuma susah nemu yang pas

cos when the pain cuts you deep when the night keeps you from sleeping
just look and you will see, that i will be your remedy

when the world seems so cruel
and your heart makes you feel like a fool, i promise you will see,
that i will be, i will be , , ,

> heii, thank you for tonight, dan jangan ketiduran di jalan ya hahaha

> sudah sampai kok, 40 menit doang

> omgg!
> keterlaluan sih hahaah cepet banget

> ho oh

> gimana caranya?
> teleport?
> mandi ga?

> jalanan sepi
> mandi donk
> tadi hujan lagi sepanjang jalan

> iya nih
> di sini juga hujan

> yaudah sok atuh mandi hahahaha
> and by the way, thank you tadi tadahin kepala gw dari hujan,
> that was so sweet of you

> thank you for tonight also, it was night to talk to you
> jangan begadang

> ahahha no worries,
> paling ketiduran
> okayy mr traveler, good night,

> you too, good night

cause lovers dance when they’re feelin in lovespotlight’s shining it’s all about us
it’s all about usand every heart in the room will meltthis is a feeling i’ve never felt butit’s all about us,,

> jadi jelas ya, yang di gancit saya mau downlightnya diganti led panel
> yang di pim keramiknya diganti, masih rusak gitu loh

> okk, gancit noted, tapi yang di pim kan di luar kontrak bu, jadi nanti aku kerja tambah yaa

> iya gapapa,

> yang di aeon cakung ga jadi bu?

> saya masih tanya pihak leasing, masih dicari tempat yang bagus di mana
> nanti kalau ngga mau survey bareng?

> hmmm, besok ga bisa sih bu, next week oke yaa? aku atur schedule sama ibu ke sana

> he eh, bisa. nanti info aja, saya ikut kamu lagi,,


> ... oke ya?

> iya bu?

> iya, hari ini meetingnya oke ya, saya balik dulu ada meeting progress lagi yang bagian resto

> ohh okee bu siap, tapi kapan2 yang resto ikut survey ya bu eheheh, pengen ikutan bikin resto juga

> hahah dasar, yaudah, makasih ya, ntar hati-hati

> siap buu, hati-hati yaa

are the poem i never knew how to write
and this life
is the story i have always wanted to tell

kalau kamu boleh pilih satu kemampuan super for the rest of your life,
kemampuan apa yang akan kamu pilih?
bisa terbang? bisa teleport ke mana saja? baca pikiran orang? atau hidup selama-lamanya?

mungkin a power to freeze the time, the moment, so i can live longer in these moment, with you

> heii mr traveler,
> sunter icon itu ada dua tower bukan sih?

> hmm, iya betul
> tower east sama west doank

> ada proyek kah?

> hahaha engga,
> gw titip barang ya di alfa mart tower 1 hahahaa

> sama mas edwin. bilang aja ambil titipan, gw udah mau balikk

> hah? thank banget! jadi ga enak hati

> kenapa ga enak hati? hahaha it’s okay tho. but please let me know the moment you have it ya

and there’s this boyand the way he laughs makes me smile, and the way he talks gives me butterflies,
and everything about him, makes me happy

> ya, i think im in a big big trouble,,

> kenapa?

> inget cowo yang waktu itu gw ceritain ke lo?

> yang demen traveling yang mau lu kenalin?

> uh huh,

> kenapa?

> i think im falling for him tho

but as always,
i am the ultimate combination of too many wrongs and far too few rights

> hi, sudah sampai rumah?
> lo bisa baca pikiran yah?
> gue kemarin hampir beli buku ini! typewriter series by tyler knott gregson
> i love it so much
> and i rarely get a book as a gift!
> i really treasure this one, thank you so much

> really??
> ahahaha then im glad and happy as well, thank you for treasuring it mister

> yup
> by the way you’re running in the middle of the night?

> iya nii
> terus bau deh, belom mandi

> hahaha
> lo belom tidur?

> blom nih, udah mandi dulu sana, udah tengah malem
> and thank you for the post script

> post script yang lu tulis made my day,
> never thought of wilde feat bukowski

loll! that’s so sweet of you, thank you
> but well i made it up. mereka cuma gengsi ga mau saling kenal,
> jadi gw paksa bareng buat hari ini hahaha

> seriously? it’s so creative

> ahahaha it’s seenak jidat sebenernya mister,
> but okay then i’ll take that as a compliment. hehhee
> indeed you must. oh and happy valentine for you

just like what you told me, as wilde say because with freedom, flowers, and books and the moon,
who could not be happy?

> weee hari ini ngumpul yuuuuu

> ga bisaa, gw mau pegi sama doi ehehe

> aihhh sombong benerrrr,,

> lagii lu jauh banget sampe ke luar, cari tuh yang deket, hahaha

> cheyyy,
> ngomong-ngomong soal jauh
> rasanya memang udah done sih ya,
> literally done,

> kenapaa?

> tar gw cerita yaaa,,
> tapi menurut lu gw keterlaluan ga sih ya kalo gw udah fall again for another guy?
> gw ga ngerti sih, ini kaya literally super fast tapi gw kaya found the missing piece yang selama ini gw cari entah apa, krezy ga sih?

> tapi gw happy sih waktu lo cerita ke gw kemarin,
> i can sense the happiness in you,

> tapi krezy bangetttttt, gw berasa gw salah loh, ini kaya gw bohong ke dia ato ngga sih ya?
> gw kaya takut kalau gw ngmg gw bakal kehilangan dia, tapi kalau gw ga ngmg, gw juga takut karma, bener bener loh
> timing is a bitch

> ahahhaa,
> gw belom pernah liat lu have a crush on someone kaya gini sih,
> liat dong fotonya! hahahaha

let’s run away together away from city lights,
where no one knows our names yet, and we can see the stars at night
we’ll camp out in the open warming cold skin by the five
tell each other hopes and dreams, and all of our desires

we’ll own nothing more than we need
watch sunrises color the sky,

learn what we’re really here for, away from society’s eyes

> hi, klo siang rumah gak ada orang yah?

> siang? ngga ada hahaha why?
> kadang ada kadang ngga sih, cuma 
lagi pada pegi hari ini
> lo lagi ada di deket rumah gw?

> oh gitu, nope nothing
> i sent something for you

> omg! weh
> dititipin ke satpam

> yaampun! okk gw balik ke rumah secepetnya hahaha

> lah, baliknya nanti aja gapapa kok hahaha
> emang nanti mau ngapain?

> sebenernya memang ga ada acara apa-apa sih
> cuma tadinya gw mau bikin acara sendiri

> soalnya semua temen gw penghianat pada jalan semua! ahahaha

> iya kan hari ini valentine
> besok libur kan yah?
> ngegym?

> ngga kayanya gw mau nonton atau bengong liatin orang-orang di jalan sambil makan kue ape hahaha
> atau baca komik di warteg kali

> btw thank you titipannya

> mau nonton?

> bioskop yuk

> hari ini?

> jangan thanks dulu! hahaha
gw kasih bomb gimana?
> how about tomorrow?

> ahahaha gapapa gw biasa kok dapet kado yang extreme-extreme gitu
> justru di situ gw belajar kerasnya hidup

> besok yaa ok tar gw info ya hahaha

> sekarang lagi di mana?

> eh tapi besok gw ga bisa deh,

> soalnya mau pegi bareng tante, ngajak oma sama tante ngedate ehehe
> lagi di ta, meeting yang kedua nih hahaha

> atau kalau ngga gw free sih hari ini,
> mau jalan hayuk aja
> gw 30 menit lagi keluar kantor sih, tapi gw mandi dulu, ini bau keringet sama belepotan oli hahaha

> gw juga belepotan serbuk kayu
> semacam kena lem kayu, serbuk kayu, kuah bakso, hahahaha
> di pik aja ya, biar lu ga kena macet

> semoga ga macet laahh, ok deal pik
> tadi makan bakso? di mall?

> btw gw jalan dulu ya,

> tar mau ketemu di mana?

> ci, ada kiriman paket,

> iya! isinya apaa?

> ngga tau dusnya dus minyak bimoli,

> ahahahaha,, okk ga bisa diintip itu isinya apa?

> ngga, tapi kayanya box, sendernya darii florist apa gitu

and the drizzle shy shy cat pouring downyou know there’s something unusualabout us
something deeply spiritual
the way we fell into one another, so naturally
like our moment was carved of the earth
there are star systems,
bursting at our fingertips when we touch,
we are in tune
our hearts croon the same old song the universe planned for us, i know it, i know it

> aaand suddenly pouring rain out of nowhere, hahaha

> iyah, tapi di bagian gw udah rintik-rintik sih, gw udah sampe pik
> lu udah sampe?

> almost

> gw di pik avenue ya, kita enak ketemu di mana ya?
> posisi di mana pak kalau saya boleh tau?

> google maps cuma bilang unusual heavy traffic on your route :’)
> eta 31 minute

> wah rada rada ngenes ya anda, mungkin lain kali kita ga boleh bilang demen nyetir secara gamblang di dalam mobil

> yu know, semacam mobil lo jadi baper sama lu
> jadi dia ga tralu suka lepas dari lo

> hahahaha bisa jadi

> coba ya saya googling tips and trick how to get away from clingy carfriend
> tapi 31 itu beneran? ahhhahaa
> biasa kan google gitu, suka php
> kayanya kita kalau mau ketemu macet mulu ya hahaha

> engga ah,
> pertama kan salah mal terus nyasar hahaha

> btw nama lu double b, pake ie, atau roosling sih sebenernya?
> gw masih bingung loh sampai sekarang

> yang bener single b with y
> hahahha

> ya ampun gw salah dong selama ini
> pantes kalau disummon lama! salah alamat ahahaha

> gw ngerti sekarang kenapa kalau ketemu suka macet kalau ga nyasar

> ahahaha almost there miss,

attachment sent,

> wah nice! fotonya bagus ya, di gw cuma rintik males gitu

> ahahaha, iya, btw parkir di mana?

> di atas, atas, atasnya lagi,
> mungkin basement penuh kali
> tapi lo bener di pik avenue kan? hahhhahaa
> btw batre gw tinggal 10% gw ada di deket starbucks bawah ya pak

i promised myself i would never fall in love with you,

> heii,

> hi,

> first thing first,

> hm?

> power bank, for your dying phone

but then i met you

> omg why so sweet mister traveller? but then here’s for you,

> apaan?

> granola, to accompany your oatmeal bowl

i wasn’t looking for you

> ahahaha terus ini botol buat apa?

> a present from me to me hahahah

> lol, kenapa botol?

> soalnya ini limited edition, for a woman like me

> because of the flower print?

> iya dong, i forbid myself to get a chocolate, a flower will do, they dont cause an obesity
> ahahaha,

i wasn’t expecting you

> so shall we eat now miss? laper kan?

> you damn right mister hahaha

but it was 4am,

> erm semua udah tutup ya?

> kayanya kita rada telat sih

> coba lo duduk di sini ya, gw muter,
> tar gw pesenin punya lo

> lo tau gw mau makan apa?

> i’ll send you the menu,

> like really?

> that’s what the camera phone for miss

> okay then up to you mister,

attachment received

> lo mau yang mana?

> 25?

> mmm, abis

> okay kalau ngga yang 18 juga boleh, ada?

> pasti ada
> ... ngga ada

> erm 6? kalau ngga ada 6 air putih juga boleh kak
> tapi kalau air putih juga ga ada--

> kita suruh tutup aja ga usah jualan lagi

> ahahahahaa.,
> okay then where’s my water bottle pak?

> udah gw suruh tutup tadi,
> kita epigastro aja yuk

and we were laughing way to hard,
and i felt so very happy for the first time in a long time

> kenapa lo suka lalalaland?
> bukannya itu too damn cheesy for a guy taste ya?

> really?
> gw suka ryan gossling dan emma stone sih,
> a heaven match
> dan gw ga tipikal yang guy cannot watch drama movie kok

> there’s so much thing we can learn from drama movie sebenernya

> indeed sih! hahahha
> selain lalalaland?

> gw suka little prince,
> terus the life of walter mitty juga bagus

> oh! the handsome mr fox! hahaha
> gw inget yang lu quote, the here’s my secret, it is very simple, it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye, ya kan? hahaha
> walter mitty tu yang rada annoying gitu bukan sih cowonya? yang rada-rada kecil
> kalau ga salah main film crazy little thing called love atau bukan ya?

> correct! hahaha,
> masa sih? itu bagus lagi, cerita tentang kehidupan, and i really like one of his quote,

> what?

> that beautiful things dont ask for attention

and then my soul saw you, and it kind of went
“oh there you are, i've been looking for you”

> udah malem, gw anter,

> erm gw bawa mobil?

> i know, but let me take you to the car

> erm ga usah gapapa, masih rame,

> i insist,

> loll okayy, tapi jangan miris liat seberapa rapi mobil gw ya hahhaa

> anyway, kalo sampai rumah kabarin yah,,

> okayy hahaha

and i knew i was screwed my dear serendipity,,

> wah gila, gw kaget sih

> lol, it’s a surprise!
> bunganya layu ga?

> indeed a surprise hahahaha
> nop dont think so

> ahahaha i cant imagine your face when you open it

> pantesan ade gw gatau soalnya dibungkus dus bimoli
> omg gw kira gw dikasih stok minyak goreng

> hahahha

> noo lah masa kasih stok minyak goreng

> it’s valentine day,
> flowers are language too
> it sometimes say things we dont say
> im so happy that you like it and my surprise is a big success

> now you’re stealing my words!

> ahahaha i cant find one

> now this one i didnt expect sih loll

> dan gw belom mandi juga sih sampai sekarang
> tapi kali ini beneran gw mandi deh 

> but im so gonna post it
> can i?
> posted already, sorry sir bad rebel employee yu know lah
> and really gonna bath this time hahaha

> of course you can

> udah tidur?

> blom masih main game

> wah dats record, frankly speaking, hari ini gw dikasih surprise beberapa kali berarti dari lo
> thank you tadi dianter sampai mobil thats also really sweet of you

> and thank you for the power bank rescuenya,
> and for the invitation buat jalan ke epigastro, i really like that idea
> above of all thank you for today

> it’s my pleasure

> epigastro makan salad doang hahaha
> lain kali gw ajak ke mister sunday ya, interior sama makanannya juara katanya

> over a good quality time and chat?
> then i will be gladly choose salad again for the next time hahahha
> and who knows gw bisa beneran kurus nanti, loll

> cmon you dont need to be slimmer

> no worries, mau gimanapun ration panjang tinggi lebar gw emang ga bakal bisa berubah juga kok hahahha
> but again thank you, and have some rest ya

> i dont sugarcoat words tho, but okay night to you too
> :)

we are here to laugh at the odds
and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us #blackval

> ya, gw harus gimana yah
> everything i want from a guy ada di dia

> how am i suppose to do?

> gw seneng sih kalau denger cerita lu belakangan,
> gw berasa finally lo bisa ketemu yang pas sama lo

> terus gw harus gimana yah,
> bulan depan tuh gw pegi loh ya ke luar bareng keluarganya,

> gimana ya,
> gw udah bilang done sih sama dia dari kemarin-kemarin, dan memang lgi ga contact
> cuma dia mau ngomong jelasnya pas dia dateng ke sini, which is dua minggu lagi
> jadi keputusan itu pas dua minggu lagi,

> terus gw harus bilang sekarang, atau gimana yah?

> ngg, lu mau ngomong ke dia sekarang?

> cuma gw takut ya, kalo gw ngmg dia bakal gone,
> like forever

> mungkin ga dia justru bakal fight buat lo?

> ahahaha, like who am i?
> i only hope he’d understand tho,
> dan ga walk away,,
> kemungkinan paitnya,,
> then what can i do?

falling for you was like falling down the stairs
i was in complete control at first, then without warning i was spinning, tumbling, and had no idea why or how

then before i knew what happened i lay at the bottom
shocked, stunned, and so oddly aware

that i still ended up exactly where i was trying to go

> hi,
> heii,
> lagi ngapain?

> baru sampe rumahh,, kenapa?

> engga, soalnya ga ada kabar kirain ngapain hahaha

> nggaa, energinya lagi abis,,
> kayanya bsok baru mulai workout lagii
> hahaha

> hee, belom mandi kan, mandi sana
> gw sudah mau tidur juga
> besok lagi lanjut chatnya

> hahaha iyaa, rasanya drained banget daritadi lagi mellow baper ga jelas
> bikin cape
> okay night yaa

> night to you too

believe me when i say i always think of you
no matter how busy i am
no matter what im doing

my brain is constantly thinking of you


menurut lu lebih baik mana? lebih banyak persamaan atau perbedaan di setiap pasangan?

senin siang, super panas, di dalam mobil

> heii, gw kayanya dpt jawaban yg lu pernah tanya. Yg lebih bae mana banyak persamaan ato banyak perbedaan
> I actually dont think it’s really necessary tho.
> Soalnya, oke ga perlu ngmg mereka deeply in love with each other bla bla dulu.

> Kalo dua orang ngabisin most of their time together. Ntah ngobrol dll lambat laun bakal ngelakuin ato ngobrol hal yg sama kan. Walo masing2 punya perspektif yg beda. > Karna, gw rasa, ga ada yg bener2 sama dan ga ada yg bener2 beda di dunia.
> Then, yg bener2 penting menurut gw “want” ga sih? Kaya she/he wantto be with blabla.
> You definitely have heard about the overrated becos i need you phrase kan.

> Gw sendiri ga tralu suka sih hahaha dgn phrase itu. Becos in the end you are alone in this world. Lo harus bisa survive sendiri.
> Tpi i want you to be there with me when im surviving in this world. Kayanya menurut gw lebih ga egois ya :/
> Dan lebih gimana ya.
> Kalo lu wanting seseorang, berarti lu akan usaha buat bikin orang itu ke lu kan? Nah gw rasa itu yg penting sih
> Di saat manusia mau sesuatu, dia bakal usaha. And dats when the strategy are needed
> Even kalo di game sendiri, ada banyak hal yg harus lu gunain buat jdi weapon, defense dll kan?
> Kayanya sama aja sama persamaan dan si perbedaan itu yah

> Ibarat ya lu pinter2nya pake persamaan sama perbedaan itu buat winning the game when okaylah actually a relationship it’s not about winning the game tpi gw rasa harusnya basicnya sih sama ya
> Jdi ga cheesy klise macem gw butuh lu di idup gw blabla

> Isn’t that more like a statement ygga ngasi kesempatan lawan lu buat mikir dia mau apa ngga
> Padahal belom tentu lu butuh dia dia butuh lu,
> Tpi lebih ke memang gw maunya lu ada di hidup gw. kaya nih gw kasih offer ato proposal coba lo timbang2 mau ga nih. Hahahahahahaha!

> And that’s my out of nowheresupposition sih. Ahahahaha.
> Okaylah klo begitu, gw harus cao lagi, hari ini mau quality control terakhir sebelum kirim barang ke luar kota 

> err actually i’ve been thinking about you lately and yup i want to be with you a lot
> i’ve been waiting for the right timing but once again timing is a bitch

huh, omygod

> i want to say it in front of you
> directly face to face eye to eye
> not from a texting app like this

dang! dont say dont say

> i’m not gonna say i love you, but i want to say teach me to love you

that’s when i know that it’s over and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real
cos im so afraid to lose you, when you are not even mine

and why time, you really cannot wait for another two weeks can you?

> is this like you’re confessing to me?

> yeah it’s a confession

> tapi yang tadi supposition gw maksudnya really teori yang gw pikirin buat jawab pertanyaan lu kemarin,,

> err im clearly not good with theory

> but how ya
> honestly i also think about you lately tho
> and how you treat me so special, make me happy
> cuma the thing is

> there’s so much thing to proof,
> im not expecting you would say yes, even if i want to
> just take your time

> no, the thing is,
> gw udah super close with
someone, we’re like open relationship
> and i already this close to end up all the no string attached with him
> gw bedua sama sama stubborn, we dont know each other needs,
> cuma kita bedua bakal ngomongin hal ini dan putusin kira-kira 2 minggu lagi
> dan gw udah janji sama mamanya buat ikut trip mereka keluar bulan depan

how we all want so badly to divorce reality but that bitch just won’t sign the papers

> gw kemarin ceritain tentang lo ke temen gw, bahkan ke mama
> gw being haunted by the thoughts, kenapa kita ga contact duluan

> coba gw ketemu lu duluan
> tapi kalau misalnya pun sekarang gw putusin semuanya,
> adil ga sih di lo?
> but, you really how ya
> i feel like i found the missing piece yang selama ini ga pernah gw temuin

> ...
> omy god im feeling like an asshole right now
> im not supposed to do this, put in between
> im speechless and dont know how to react
> why things so complicated?

and here’s the rain, pouring downlike a shy shy cat

> the thing is, youre unique,
> something out of a box,
> never put yourself so small even
you’re literally small

> im the one supposedly to say sorry to you
> never imagine that it will be this complicated for you

dont dont dont

> can you please forget what just happen, i’ll try to forget this never happen too
> im really sorry to put you through this such complicated things

> can i call you?

> ,,
> im in the middle of running

> how about i call later?
> okay?

> no, i call you now

kalau tidak salah, kita bicara banyak hal,
tentant aku, kamu, pertemuan, perpisahan, dan di antaranya, tentang sesal, prinsip hidup,

tentang kasih yang tidak pernah terucap
tapi aku lupa, detail kata yang terucap
lantunan makna yang menguap di gelapnya malam

yang aku ingat hanya ‘kenapa’ yang berulang berulang berisik di telinga bagai kaset rusak

> gw masuk dulu ya,
> udah mau mulai filmnya

> ohh,,

can you stay can you stay?

> okk

> okk

> ng

> ya?

i love that how decent our conversation has always been, from pluto until milkyway
from loneliness until our strange but sweet collide

i love how you covered my head through the drizzle shy shy rain how you like the pair of emma stone with gossling eventho i kinda meh with gossling
i love how you make me smile so effortlessly
how you understand my crisis identity without make me feel like im the most dramatic queen

i love how you treat me like i’m adelicate warrior princess
i love how you make me feel that falling for you, is like walking into a house and suddenly knowing 
you’re home

> ngga,,
> have fun with the movie :)

> ..
> ok,
> night,

> good night to you too

so how’s the movie?was it nice?
was it packed with a lot of people?
but i dont think so ya, since it’s still weekday

and those are the leftover unspoken question from our last conversation

i would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand,
than eternity without it.

but how do you let go of the person that felt like home?

well, sometimes we aren’t meant to get over someone,
it’s just that we go on living with a little bit emptier and a little bit sad because one of the hardest thing you will ever have to do my dear,
is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive
the saddest story is the whole wide world is the word almost,
he was almost in love
she was almost good for him

he almost stopped her
she almost waited
they almost made it, then, you think 
it’s the end?
of course not
because sometimes in the future they are going to miss each other who was an almost to them

and feel sad just because there’s no name for that feeling
they just feel it in a way that makes them tired to their very bones
when life keeps pushing you to be hard, harsh, and numb
take a break from life
feel yourself, feel your body, feel your breath

if you’re lucky you will be back to yourself again after a while
and not, youre not going to be as soft as before

but it’s okay,
youre harder because you have learned a lot not because you want to cause pain

Mia: [singing] And here’s to the fools who dream / Crazy as they may seem. / Here’s to the hearts that break. / Here’s to the mess we make

so, are you gonna meet your boyfriend now or what?
no i think he’s out probably doing what you’re doing
getting a crush on somebody else’s 
girlfriend? no, im sorry, i just meant i had a really nice time. you know, maybe you should give me your phone number, just in case
in case of what?
in case of life, i just had a really great time and for all we know i wouldnt be able to find you again

well, if we’re meant to meet again, we’ll meet again. it’s just not the right time
but maybe we’re supposed to meet on british time and we’re five hours too early

destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental,

but c’est la vie

dedicated to everyone who wonders if i’m writing about them, yes i am

post midnight // november, 24th 2016